Robb Todd Reflects

by Roxane Gay

How did this story come about?

Ending is not more difficult than beginning, but it seems that way mostwise, the way it seems harder to climb the sheer wall of a mountain than to step off the edge once you get to the top. But that step: hole-ee fuckshit. Yeah, one step. Again: dayum dayum dayum. I wrote this story with eyelashes and butter. And someone very special gave me great advice about glitter.

What makes fiction necessary for you?

Facts fog where my feet are; where I am, as I am. I cannot play an instrument and I cannot type/spell/grammar and I listen/watch/do things. Genes are ours to waste, like time. My mom plays piano and guitar and bromephius horn. She can play anything. All she needs is feeling, which must bubble somewhere or turn to chitterling contagion. My dad swirls words with his mouth hands. No comma nor hyphen here.

Warbly, silent songs flutter all around everywhere all the time and now I net them and, when I can, push a pin through their chests. They sound like Nietzsche’s straight-jacket mustache. They make my life better when I see them suspended in Internet ink and that is enough. Well, almost. Food is nice, too. I had too much time for this explanation to be long. This is really all I have to say about it: ladybugs.

What song would you pair with this story?

Go with Love by Rahj (featuring Taylor McFerrin & Brockett Parsons)

xTx, why did you invite Robb to participate in this project?

I chose Robb Todd because he makes necessary fiction. Robb has a way of doing hard and soft things in his writing simultaneously. This often makes me feel like I am crying at a strip club or watching porn at a funeral. Many of his stories take place in city settings and the emotional texture and tone Robb creates both exacerbates and destroys the hardness that is associated with such a backdrop. He makes me miss New York. His writing is the feeling of favorite paintings, heartbreak, fucking, self-loathing, loss and hope. His writing caresses the back of my hand, pulls my hair while calling me a whore and cries into my shirt. I get lost in his beautiful details. All of these things are why I chose Robb Todd.

posted by Roxane Gay